Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
