she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
