So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
