he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
