my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My ass is underappreciated
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
