That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The air taste purple.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
