I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
