dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
