Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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