You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
