Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
