Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
