I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
