I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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