I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
