he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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