he shaved USA in his pubs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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