remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
