I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
