Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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