I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
