i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
