yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
