just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
