Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
