On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
