Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
