Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
