SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
