Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I can text with my tongue
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
