Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
