i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
