Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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