Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
