M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
this just has baby written all over it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize