Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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