why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
