Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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