I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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