My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
