life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
