I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
