Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sext me about skeletons
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
