I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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