My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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