I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
