I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
