so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
