Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
