My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
