I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
