We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
