she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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