PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
