something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
