is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
