we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
