I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize