I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
