I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
