What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize